Friday, August 27, 2010


"The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat. " - Albert Einstein

So I have a doctor's appointment today, and I know what she's going to tell me: I need to lose weight.  My stomach sinks in dread just thinking about it.

Somewhere along the line, I grew to believe that my weight, like my cavities at the dentist, are some kind of moral, personal failing.  Like genes had nothing to do with it.  That if I was a more food-virtuous person, I could be skinny like my mother.  

Now, having a baby isn't exactly easy on the body, and I didn't ever say no to those food cravings I had while I was pregnant.  And now that my body is producing milk, I find myself hungry a lot of the time.  I try to eat decent snacks, but now that I'm not eating dairy, it's hard to find easy, healthy, satisfying snacks and meals.  And when you're holding a crying baby trying to decide what to eat, you pick easy every time.

Not to say I haven't been making an effort to lose my baby weight; I've been walking on the treadmill or at our local park almost every day.  And pumping should burn some calories, too.  But when I step on that scale today, I know I won't be proud of the number.  Just writing about it is kind of getting me down.  

I wish I had something pithy or hopeful to write at the end of my blog today, but I just don't.  I'll keep making whatever efforts I can squeeze into my mommy life, but this here is my body, and there's only so much it can take.  So if I only get 5 hours of sleep a night, I'll have to have my coffee.  And if I have 15 minutes to prepare and eat my lunch, it had better be fast and it had better stick with me. *sigh*

No comments:

Post a Comment