Monday, January 26, 2015


Here's the problem with trying: it sets you up for failure. Whereas if you aren't trying, you can't really fail.

That used to be my personal theory about trying to dress attractively. If I simply didn't make any effort, no one would look at me and think, Oh, how pathetic, she's trying to be pretty. I got over that hangup, though, when I discovered that even making a small effort to look nice can give great results, and there's no point in trying to control what people think about me, because it can't be done.

And after an entire year of trying to lose weight after Maeve was born, which was to my view a total failure, since I only managed to lost ten measly pounds after a year of serious calorie cutting and lots of exercise, I now am terrified of trying again at losing weight. I feel like I have conclusively proven that I can't, and trying again is only going to bring pathetic results.

And I hate dieting. Enormously. And there's a ton of research that proves that most diets accomplish nothing, and that almost all weight loss is temporary, so it's a pretty uphill battle for me.

But. Not trying is not accomplishing anything. I've been walking the dog daily and running with him sometimes, but obviously that hasn't achieved anything, either, except for a good boost for my heart rate every now and then, I guess.

I am still not going to diet or count calories because that life makes me miserable and perpetually guilty. But I'm going to drop a few strategic foods/beverages, and make an effort to get on my exercise bike on days I don't get a run with the dog.

Do you know what my expectation is? Totally minimal. Almost nothing. If I lose a pound in a month, I'll be grateful. And no, I won't be posting much about it here because already writing this is making me feel awful. Because I know the odds are against me, and no matter what changes I make, my body is likely to do whatever it damn well pleases. I don't doubt my ability to follow through on these small changes, I just doubt it'll do any good at all.

I really want to delete this post right now.

Anyway. Happy Monday. Maybe today will be the beginning of a change that works. But don't hold your breath.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Mommy Daughter Date

Sometimes as a parent you get stuck in the habit of doing the things you need to do, and forget to do unscheduled, fun things your kid loves.

Yesterday was not one of those days.

I wanted to do something special with Maeve yesterday, something she would love, without spending too much money or getting too crazy. So I took her to Build-a-Bear, using some money we earned babysitting last week.

Here's the thing about Build a Bear: it's a pretty special experience. I mean, maybe not if you take your kid in there weekly, but if you save it up for a rainy day, it's a doozy. Your kid gets to choose their stuffy, help add the fluff, add a special heart, give it a little grooming and a name... and accessories, if your purse is feeling especially heavy. I am not an advocate of going in there all the time, but it makes for a pretty special date, like Casa Bonita, without the indigestion.

So Maeve picked out a giant Pinkie Pie, and we had fun making her, and subsequently toting her around the mall. And I picked our most affordable, and consequently most fun, option for lunch and took my girl to McDonald's.

And you know what? Even though she got a lot of attention yesterday and got exactly what she wanted (minus the accessories), she was still really well-behaved and sweet. It's nice when you don't end up regretting doing something special with your kiddo.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Minion Art Project

Today, no big thoughts, I just wanted to share our most recent art project.

Here's what I did: I painted a few pictures of "blank" Minions (from Despicable Me). I just painted yellow, oblong-shaped tops with blue overalls, and let them dry. I did paint a little hair on them, too.

Then while I was making dinner, I had Maeve and Daddy paint faces on the Minions, and they had a lot of fun! Now I just need to find a good place to hang these up!

Maeve did a great job with hers, on the left. She added hands, eyes, mouths (with tongues sticking out), and some clouds overhead. The one in the middle has a pink bow in its hair.

Daddy did pretty well, too!

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Parenting Conundrum

This little conundrum right here encapsulates the truth about parenting:

It is my job to hold my child down for shots.

It is my job to convince my child of the necessity of shots.

It is my job to console the child after the shots, through my own tears.

Seriously, what is that all about? How is it my job to do all of those things and then hold her afterwards?

I even tried to explain to her on the way there, while she was telling me that she hates shots and hates the doctor, that it's actually not fun for me to bring her in for shots, either. I know she didn't care and wasn't buying it, since I wasn't on the business end of the syringe, but she will get it some day when she's bringing her child in for shots.

I thought maybe at this age I wouldn't tear up anymore, but as it turns out, I definitely did. I was so relieved the nurse left the room immediately, and so was Maeve. Although I bet I'm not the only mom who cries when she has to pin down her kid for shots.

I had promised Maeve some chocolate ice cream with marshmallows for afterward, but it turned out I needed some, too. So glad that one's over with! Now I just have to go register her for Kindergarten this morning. I may need more ice cream after that, too.

Unrelated ice cream incident.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Kindergarten. It begins.

So, tomorrow morning, I get to go register Maeve for kindergarten.

I know.

Kindergarten was one of those "in a few years" ideas until January rolled around and I realized that this, right here, was January 2015, the month I would have to register Maeve for Kindergarten.

I mean, I get daily reminders from my daughter that she is NOT A BABY ANYMORE but this is a big one. A really big one. I will be walking her to the elementary school that stands a block and a half from our house every morning, starting this fall. THIS fall. Not three years from now. Not even next year. THIS year. THIS fall. It's starting to feel like THIS MINUTE.

Okay, I'm still taking deep breaths.

I remember, before I started kindergarten, sitting on the front steps of our trailer with my mom. I remember asking her, Will I like kindergarten? And I remember her saying yes, she was sure that I would. And I did, I loved it, even though being away from her was scary and I had a lot of learning to do about other kids and cutting with scissors.

I know Maeve will love kindergarten, and I'm glad she's had a year of preschool to prepare. She will know a few key things that she didn't know before, like using her words when she's upset, not peeking under the bathroom stall, not throwing rocks, waiting her turn. I'm glad she'll know those things, and all the other gems her wonderful preschool teachers have instilled.

And I know that once dropoff becomes a happy time, it makes the whole quiet morning joyful for me, and I will have more time to write, clean, play my ukulele, run errands, and generally get things done. 

But looking at the face of this change is still a little frightening. And looking down the long, dark hallway of homework and friends and bullies and teachers... feels a little overwhelming. I hope so much that she is blessed with the kind of teachers that will help her love school, help her grow into herself, and give her confidence. Oh please, please let her have good teachers. 

I've met her kindergarten teacher and I love her already, so I believe she'll have a solid start, and that counts for a lot. 

Okay. Still breathing.