It's a question I ask myself, especially as Maeve's first birthday approaches. Will she end up being spoiled? And what does that really mean? Having just one child - and possibly staying that way - means that Maeve will not have to share with siblings, will not regularly receive our divided attention. I agree with the author of the quote, that you do not spoil a child by being kind. But I have heard people insinuate that having an only child will insure that she will be spoiled.
Now, I do think any child can be spoiled when a parent ignores what's best for a child and gives them whatever they want. It's what I think of as zero-effort parenting. You child wants a cookie, they get one. They want a whole box of cookies, sure, why not? They want to play in the street, who cares? This is where a lot of parents, especially those who don't have the time and energy to do real parenting, fall down on the job. I've substitute taught for kids that were raised like this, and believe me, it's awful. Children are being raised with zero impulse control, and are becoming adults with no sense of responsibility or even common sense. In that sense, we are definitely not spoiling Maeve.
But we do buy her, maybe, more books than she strictly needs (although I don't think anyone can have too many!), and she's been blessed with many hand-me-downs, so I rarely buy her new clothes., but her dresser drawers are full. She gets my nearly undivided attention for all 8 or so hours she's awake in a day. But I don't think we're spoiling her, at least, I'm pretty sure.
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| Although those cookies come in handy sometimes... |
I think that the line of spoiling comes when giving a child something changes their expectations of the world. Take buying a toy for example. On it's own, buying a toy isn't bad. What is around that purchase though? Are you buying it simply because she's crying? That teaches that crying can get you whatever you want. Just my two cents.
ReplyDeleteGood point Timmy. And although I do sometimes hand out cookies to make her happier, sometimes she's only upset cuz she's hungry! I think when she gets older, that's when you have to worry about giving into demands like that.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that one can never have too many books, even babies! And I think you have what a lot of other parents (heck, a lot of people in general) are missing and that's self-awareness; I don't think you have much to worry about when it comes to spoiling Maeve!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Fork. I also think that your experience teaching horrible whining brats, not to mention your stellar common sense, will never allow you to raise a spoiled child.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, one cannot ever have too many books.