"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
I was chatting with my husband this morning about the family we have brought Maeve into. I mean our family, our little three, is just lovely and wonderful, but the broader family spectrum is full of nuts, nerds, awesome people, and black sheep. Pretty standard, I guess, but sometimes I feel either blessed or guilty about the people she may have to deal with.
Odds are not good that Maeve will ever have any significant interaction with my brother, for the big reason that he lives in France and many other reasons, like his lack of communication skills, his addictions, his general inability to keep it together. For the same reasons, I don't know how much she'll get to see her cousins who live in Ireland, although I hold out hope that we can make a side trip there sometime while we're visiting our parents.
Part of me wants her to meet my brother because he is her uncle, and he can be generous, kind, and is great with kids. But part of me doesn't want to introduce her to the heartache that is knowing my brother. I definitely want her to meet her cousins, they are super great kids and lots of fun. But I don't think she'll ever have much of a chance to get close to them, except maybe online.
I wasn't at my brother's wedding, he wasn't at mine. Our lives have grown so far apart that it's hard to believe we were inseparable as kids. I have probably hurt his feelings, and there is no doubt he has hurt mine. But if he ever makes the effort, if he is willing to do what it takes, he can be her uncle if he wants to. And I will always be his sister.
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| My brother and me, back in the day |
I have a brother like yours as well. Never quite got it together. Addiction issues (though he's clean now) and we are not close. My kids know that he's their uncle and he's a little odd. Their cousin, my brother's daughter, lives in Sweden and visits once a year. They are as close as you can be living as far away as they do.
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Have you seen the trailers for the movie, "Our Idiot Brother?" My brother at least has enough self-awareness to admit that this will likely be how he's referred to in several years...his problems are too numerous to mention here, but I totally get how you're feeling. I try to maintain a good relationship with my brother (even though his actions make me so, so angry) because I want my son to know his uncle, but there are times when I'm actually a bit glad that we're moving so far away from all of the drama.
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