“I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.” -Madonna
As a good friend of mine is weeks, if not days from delivering her son, and it made me think back on what my labor and delivery were like. And since I haven't shared my birth story (gag), I guess I will today. Don't worry, no lengthy discussions of my girl parts, graphic images, or needless mom-braggery to follow.
I started labor the usual way, by noticing my previously sporadic contractions had settled into a more reliable 10-minute cycle. I just hung out at the apartment all morning, called my mom, and took a nice shower. There were repeated calls to my on-call OB who told me to wait till the were closer together and I started feeling more pain. Around noon that day the three of us went into the OB's office to see if I was, in fact, in labor. Which I was. So they sent me home to get some more laboring done before I went to the hospital.
That was the best part of my labor. I rocked in my mother-in-law's old rocking chair, breathed through my contractions, and distracted myself with a great Jeeves and Wooster DVD. Nothing like laughter to take your mind off fear and pain.
Then it was too painful to keep it up at home, so off to the hospital we went. After checking to see how dilated I was (which hurt 20 times more than contractions did, until I had a contraction DURING the exam! Yowza!) I got told to walk around, which I managed for about half an hour. Then I rested as long as I could.
The next morning, I got pitocin, which made my contractions super painful but I stayed as undilated as I'd been in the doctor's office the day before (a 3). So after laboring with an epidural for the better part of the day (yaaaaay epidurals!), my OB asked me if I'd like to keep laboring or did I want a caeserian? Biggest no-brainer of my life. Bring on the section!
Lemme stop you right there. Right now you might be A) pitying me for not being awake for the miracle of childbirth; B) scorning my self-centered medical choices; C) unphased by this outcome; or D) happy that Maeve and I came through delivery safe and sound. I urge you to go with C or D. And don't leave me any comments about A or B.
I was also suffering some high blood pressure, which worried my OB. So they gave me that dreadful high blood pressure medicine that made me super groggy and taste pennies. This is what I remember of Maeve's arrival:
I groggily sign a sheaf of release forms. DH disappears to change into scrubs. I feel myself being lifted from my bed to the surgery bed. I look over and see DH smile at me and squeeze my hand. I startle awake to feeling that I'm being shaken (I think when they were pulling Maeve out). I hear her first cry, which sounds like "Yeeeaaaahhhh" as she's handed to me, so I say "Yeah!" right back to her.
And the rest is history. :)