Monday, October 15, 2012

Here Amid Fears

Something unthinkable, something beyond even the worst imaginations of parents, has happened in our neighborhood this week.  Less than two miles from here, a ten year old girl was abducted, murdered, and dismembered, and the perpetrator is still unknown and at large.

The first day we heard they'd found her body, I felt ill all afternoon.  I tried to keep myself busy as much as I could to prevent my mind from betraying me.  I kept my arms wrapped around me -or Maeve- whenever they were idle.  I kept checking to make sure the doors were all locked, and when Maeve took a long nap, I double checked her window that faces the deck to make sure no one had entered it.  It was a long day.

Although more pressing matters kept me from it this weekend, it's my plan to buy some pepper spray to keep with me at the house.  I don't honestly know what good it would do, but I need something to make me feel safer until this person, to use the term very loosely, is caught.  I hope the police and the FBI find some good solid leads and the manhunt can end very soon.

Maeve is, at least, small enough that I don't have to explain any of this to her, I'm just being extra careful to keep her in my sight, and we aren't going out to play at the park at all until this is over.  But I know she knows I'm worried, and has been acting up a little.  I just hate feeling anxious in my own beautiful neighborhood, and fall is making the place even more beautiful.  But right now it just feels sinister, and it's not easy to forget, with police cars making much more rounds than usual.

People say they want justice for Jessica, and I understand why, but honestly, the only true justice in this world would be to have this person tortured to death and abandoned in a field, and our system just doesn't work that way.  She will never have true justice, we can only hope she has rest, and her family can slowly, gently be carried on the wings of love and begin to heal.  I am hoping the wound in our neighborhood, in our consciousness, can begin to heal as well.

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