Valley of the Shadow

So, my husband's upcoming major surgery has me feeling a little overwhelmed, and just a little afraid.  It's better than it was right when he first explained it to me, when my heart sunk directly into my spleen and the room got a little spinny.  My worst fear at first was, what if he forgets Maeve and me?  But once I understood this was skull surgery and not brain surgery, I felt a tiny bit better.

I felt better still when he told me the area of the brain they'll be working *near* is the cerebellum, responsible for muscle memory and gross motor function, meaning if something goes wrong, he won't forget me, he'll forget how to tie his shoes.  Okay.  I can live with that.

But now I'm trying to arrange things so that Maeve and I survive this 4 to 6 week recovery, when he cannot be his usual, helpful self around the house.  A dear friend has volunteered to stay with Maeve so I can continue to go to choir, which I'm sure will be a mental lifesaver.  Lots of other people, and I mean lots!, have volunteered to bring us dinners or take Maeve off my hands for a bit, so I know I will survive. 

Still, looking at it from this distance, it appears to be a lonesome valley, like I sang about once in my old choir, and although I will have lots of help, ultimately I will be walking it by myself, with Maeve in tow.  It is going to be so hard for her to know Daddy is here but can't really play with her, that he has a big owie, and he needs his rest.  But I bet she'll do better than I'm imagining, she usually does manage to knock my socks off one way or the other.

I am admitting this to you, here, so that when you see me doing "fine", you'll know that I am making sure Maeve feels safe and comforted, and it probably won't have much to do with how I'm actually doing.  So spare me a hug, if you will, and I'll be most grateful.

Still pretty "normal" around here this morning.