Friday, August 29, 2014

Adventures in Virtual Goat Domestication

What I will not be able to satisfactorily explain to you is why Daddy thought Maeve would enjoy the Goat Simulator game in the first place. Sometimes Daddy is just a nut, and that's all there is to it. But he downloaded this game, let Maeve play it, and now...

The Goat Simulator is mostly what it sounds like: you play as a goat. You get to move the goat around and do funny things with it. Its tongue sticks to things, with hilarious results. Maeve's favorite entertainments with the goat initially just involved sending it backwards down water slides, throwing it off a giant crane, and tossing it gleefully, over and over again, into a combine harvester.

I know, you just made a face. But this game has no yuck factor, the goat does not bleed or get banged up in any way. Although Maeve discovered that if you toss it into the combine often enough, it develops glowing eyes and a halo. But nothing icky.

However, I heard from Daddy last night, that Maeve has officially domesticated the goat now. No longer fodder for jokes, he has his own house, bed, bedside table, lamp, and "stuffed animal" to sleep with. (It's a statue, the best Daddy could find under the circumstances) She demands that the goat must sleep when he gets tired, and apparently she makes Daddy sit in silence for five whole minutes while the goat sleeps in its bed.

Then she will insist the goat wants to take a walk, so she perambulates him around outside, then insists he's tired from all that walking, and insists he comes back in and goes to bed again. So Maeve has effectively turned the Goat Simulator into the Sims.

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