Fog

“Derive happiness in oneself from a good day's work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us.” Henri Matisse

It has been ten months since Maeve was born, and I can say officially now that I am out of the fog.

It took me ten months to feel like myself again; to feel capable, smart, and able to string whole sentences together without forgetting what I was talking about.  I feel reasonable again, the hormones have finally stopped enlarging my emotions, and I no longer cry at commercials.  In short, I'm back.

I was chatting with a mom friend of mine yesterday who said the first year of being a mom is the hardest, and in reply I said I wished someone had told me that when I was pregnant!  Because I knew having a baby would be difficult, would change my life, would challenge me daily, but I didn't know it would take ten months to sleep, feel, and act like a normal human being again. 

Some babies are easier than mine, maybe other moms get back on their feet sooner.  But I am also a giant wuss, so the combination of that and Maeve's, ahem, challenges, has made for a long and foggy ten months.

But I feel like a Beatles song about the sun, bright and cheery, practically fluffing pillows and humming to myself.  I am in my element.  I beat out those first ten months of crazy, and now I have the world's cutest toddler to show for it. 

But I used to have bedhead in my brain!