A Night Off

As it turns out, if I miss out on my planned evenings out during a month, I start to feel sad.  I didn't even connect the two until some of my online mom friends asked if I'd had much time to myself lately, and I realized I had missed my monthly girl's night and my book club in October.  And just missing those two Maeve-free activities was enough to let me start slipping into some sadness and ennui that I just couldn't shake.

I set about to thinking what would cheer me best, and a night at IKEA was my best thought, so I am meeting a girlfriend (and fellow mom) there tonight for dinner and shopping.  It sounds heavenly, and I'm so excited!

You might be thinking, you know, Clara, you had a pretty good break when your husband stayed home all week, and you'd be right in the sense that I got to share my daily mom duties for a week instead of doing them alone, and for a mom, that's a pretty big break.  But I realized that the issue is that I need time where I am not emotionally available to Maeve, time when I am in charge of no one but myself, time to spend away from the demands of motherhood.  Just every so often.

It's hard to explain this need to someone who isn't a parent, or who works outside the home.  But we who are home all the time, any caregiver, understands.  So tonight, I will spend three or four hours without changing a diaper, refilling the sippy cup, or herding stuffed animals.  And I expect that my heart will be a little lighter in the morning.

And I will come home to this.