Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Patches and his Religion

Sometimes I don't understand Patches, I think one of our big communication issues springs from the fact that he's a different religion from me. And yes, I'm convinced Patches has a religion. I can tell, because he's always trying to educate us about it.

One thing I know for sure is against his religion is dancing. We've tried all sorts, from a mild swing of the hips to pretend ballet, and he will run around, freaking out, barking the whole time, every time. It doesn't matter if you do it alone or in a group, Patches has very strong feelings about dancing. Never. Okay.

I'm also pretty sure that his religion includes a veneration (and incumbent destruction) of leather objects. It distresses him terribly that we wear leather on our feet, and to prevent this desecration, he will destroy the sacred objects rather than allow them to be ruined by our human paws. We try to help him forget our indiscretion by keeping our shoes out of reach... but when he sees them, it all comes rushing back.

The last tenet of his religion, as far as I can tell, is a strong aversion to INTRUDERS. This includes people who walk past our house on their way to someone else, and also the rabbits who lounge around in the yard as if no fierce, religious dog lived here.

So he reveres leather, and despises dancing and strangers. A dog's religion is a strange thing.

Sleeping is also very important.

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