Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Number Two

I was not in a good headspace yesterday. Let's just say that my feelings were also all embroiled in some hormones, and neither of them was doing me any good. I was feeling overwhelmed and pretty worthless, and just couldn't stop criticizing myself. Don't you hate that? It was starting to make me feel like Anne Lamott describes, that her mind is a bad neighborhood and she tries not to go in there alone.

In the midst of feeling like a bad mother/person/wife/nonwage-earner, I was listening with Maeve to They Might be Giants' album Here Come the 1,2,3's. And you wouldn't think I'd find any comfort there, especially on such a bad brain day, but I did. 

If you need a friend, you know what to do
You can count on me,'cause I'm the Number Two
One day at the beach, the next at the zoo
I'm always around, I'm the Number Two

Two arms to hold you, two legs for walkin'
Two ears on your head, so you can hear when I'm talkin'
Two feet for stompin', two hands for clappin'
Two eyes on your face, so you can see when I'm laughin'

All over the world, you know that it's true
I'm always around, 'cause I'm the Number Two
At home or the park, you know I'll pull through
You can count on me, I'm the Number Two

I started crying (again, it was a big crying day yesterday) because I realized I don't have to be an awesome mother, because "I'm always around". I am doing my job just by showing up, by being someone Maeve can count on, two arms to hold her, someone to take her to the park or the zoo. I'm already doing it, so it doesn't matter whether I feel like I'm a great mom or not. 

So, thanks, They Might be Giants. I feel better. Number two is not such a bad thing to be, even on the worst day in my head.

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