Monday, January 26, 2015


Here's the problem with trying: it sets you up for failure. Whereas if you aren't trying, you can't really fail.

That used to be my personal theory about trying to dress attractively. If I simply didn't make any effort, no one would look at me and think, Oh, how pathetic, she's trying to be pretty. I got over that hangup, though, when I discovered that even making a small effort to look nice can give great results, and there's no point in trying to control what people think about me, because it can't be done.

And after an entire year of trying to lose weight after Maeve was born, which was to my view a total failure, since I only managed to lost ten measly pounds after a year of serious calorie cutting and lots of exercise, I now am terrified of trying again at losing weight. I feel like I have conclusively proven that I can't, and trying again is only going to bring pathetic results.

And I hate dieting. Enormously. And there's a ton of research that proves that most diets accomplish nothing, and that almost all weight loss is temporary, so it's a pretty uphill battle for me.

But. Not trying is not accomplishing anything. I've been walking the dog daily and running with him sometimes, but obviously that hasn't achieved anything, either, except for a good boost for my heart rate every now and then, I guess.

I am still not going to diet or count calories because that life makes me miserable and perpetually guilty. But I'm going to drop a few strategic foods/beverages, and make an effort to get on my exercise bike on days I don't get a run with the dog.

Do you know what my expectation is? Totally minimal. Almost nothing. If I lose a pound in a month, I'll be grateful. And no, I won't be posting much about it here because already writing this is making me feel awful. Because I know the odds are against me, and no matter what changes I make, my body is likely to do whatever it damn well pleases. I don't doubt my ability to follow through on these small changes, I just doubt it'll do any good at all.

I really want to delete this post right now.

Anyway. Happy Monday. Maybe today will be the beginning of a change that works. But don't hold your breath.


  1. thank you for posting this! Just the other day I was having the same thoughts. I don't have baby weight to loose, just weight in general. it feels like a constant up hill battle. the more I try, the more I feel like a failure when I don't get the results I was expecting. I too am using the dropping of certain foods/ beverages (no soda, more water) method and trying to be more aware of the exercise ( or lack there of) I get in a day.
    don't give up, keep positive, your not alone :)

  2. I love you just the way you are Clara and you don't need to do a damn single thing other than be yourself! And you don't need to delete this post at all, it's very human and real and I relate to it so actually really love it in the process. You're the best.